The Chairman's Holiday (DISCONTINUED FOR NOW)
by sanguinePengu1n
Summary: When there's no suspicion about the Chairman's secret life, there are instances when he wants to see his family...if he had one. When he organises a family reunion to find out, there was only one to put up with: his "twin brother". In a comedy of errors, purposeful "OOC-ness" and humour inappropriate for the younger audiences, he learns to have some fun once in a while.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

'Christmas'. What could that mean...?

Upon the proposal of the VP on making this "Christmas" a holiday implemented on the business calendar, he rejected it at first. Yet, he wanted to know its basics, because _how_ the Sellbot boss put it was way out of proportion. He couldn't understand what he meant. Knowing how absent-minded the VP can be, though, he shut his first "son" out of the question.

" _B-But Chairman," he whined, "it's a GREAT idea!"_

" _No it ISN'T!" the Chairman yelled. "Are you even AWARE in that...jelly bean-sized thought processor of YOURS is jumping around like a Doodle?!"_

" _...Uh, what's a Doodle?"_

 _Facepalm. The leader of the Cogs sighed, and quickly whispered loud enough for the Sellbot to hear. "It's the pet of a Toon?"_

" _OhHHHHH!" the VP squealed, which was really the sound of metal screeching because he's a robot. "A DOODLE! That sounds cute—"_

 _Godammit. Once he's learned about something, he just couldn't stop talking can he? That VP and his two big mouths._

" _Just...*sigh*. Just...go. Get out. I require some time to think."_

" _Okayyyyyy!" The VP waved, doing the jazz hands motion. And as if it was in slowmo, the VP headed for the door._

" _DoIreallyhavetodothis." The Chairman asked himself quickly as he pushed the Sellbot out. It was easy because he was physically stronger. Oh, the irony how the firstbuilt didn't have that, let alone the will to._

 _Just before the VP could say anything after, the door was slammed in front of his face. Hard._

He could still remember how that conversation playing out before pushing the VP out the door and slamming it on one of his two metal faces. He hoped he hit the smiling one.

Honestly, on the inside he wanted to do some denting on that stupid grin of his. He didn't even KNOW why he built him in the first place. He "felt" like he just had to do it. Despite having the reputation of being more intelligent than the CJ, he definitely did not understand his intentions while raising the firstbuilt in his first days of programming.  
Actually, it was known fact that the VP is not really his son. It just seemed that way and it stuck.

It's obvious that we, the readers of this fic, knew that he didn't understand "emotions" at all.

But still, the Chairman wanted to know more about a Christmas. He wondered what it was.

Hence, why he was posting an event online for a "Chairman Family Reunion" on Cogbook.

Unknown to Toons, Cogs have access to what humans call an "internet". Funny thing is, Cogs know about humans themselves AND gave a name to those "living beyond the fourth wall", and it's just a secret so Toons can keep killing them. Or, at least the generic ones. Sentient Cogs are the unpredictable percentage of Cog Nation's residents. He knew there were Cogs who knew what they were doing, but not only that: some ended up being 'traitors' to their own kind. Others chose to stay loyal to him. To him, there was no in-between. He knows that Cogs who do not achieve sentience may be loyal, but are certainly likely to explode at some point. But after all these years, there is no surprise. He learned that ever since two years ago during the season of fall.

But anyway here are the Chairman's words upon posting them:

Family Reunion

 **Who?** Under the orders of the Chairman. Why is this thing asking me unspecific questions?

 **What?** I have no idea. Again, who made this format? I am losing my patience...

 **Why?** Is it NECESSARY to KNOW WHY? What a very idiotic question.

 **Where?** For security reasons, I am unable to tell you. All you need to know is that I am definitely going to give you some coordinates to my location. To get this, you must add me and message me about it.

 **How?** I JUST SAID _**HOW**_ TO GO, YOU GODDAMN SITE! WHO MADE THIS? WHO'S IDEA WAS THIS?! I AM CURRENTLY THREATENING TO FIRE THEM.

 **RVSP** by December 14, 2015.

After typing it all out without any proofreading, the Chairman panted rapidly as he hit "Send".

Posting something online was, at the same time, a good and bad idea.


	2. The Arrival

"...Does it take that long to get here? I thought my real family was smart enough to understand coordinates..."

Then, he heard a knock.

"Enter. Who is it?"

"S-Somebody who wants to have a word with you, sir." said the Spin Doctor/Mingler hybrid Cog.

"Yes? And what do they want with me? A complaint? A compliment? Correspondence? A RAISE? If it's the last one, then tell them 'no'—"

"Ummm...well, it's 'correspondence'. He claims to be your brother."

"'Brother'? But how is this possible? We are Cogs, Jules. We technically do not have families. There exists family units, but not real families."

"W-Well, that's what he says. It's for the Family Reunion?"

The Chairman perked up. "Oh! That's right. I almost forgot. How old am I getting?"

"You act like you are having a midlife crisis, sir—"

"Thank you for reminding me, Jules. Now go on, follow the rest of your orders."

"Thank you, sir." Jules bowed and exited the room.

 _A few moments later..._

Jules bowed upon seeing the Chairman. "He is at the door of your private office, sir. He says he can open the door himself."

In turn, he bowed his head once. "Thank you. Now, I would like to have a word with him. Privately."

He shooed the Cog away. "Go on now, go."

Jules awkwardly scuttled out of the office.

Some silence, until...

" _ **HEY ZEUS-Y, I'M HOOOOOOOME!"**_

"W-what? I'm not—WOAH, WOAH, WOAHHHHH!" and before he could wheel his office chair away from his big desk full of papers (great, now he needed to reorganise them ALL over again!), it was too late.

The door slammed open, hard.

In came a Cog that looked just like him, but...

Dang it! He doesn't know yet, because for a split second the Cog JUMPED over the desk, and ON him!

-CLANG!-

"Ugh..." he groaned. That fall was pretty bad, but good thing that Cogs do not get concussions. They just get dents on their heads. And the Chairman never got his head dented in his life because he was a very strong Cog. And this 'brother' was strong enough to make him fall backwards as well.

He was kind of taller than the Chairman himself. But he had the same kind of metallic silver complexion. His teeth shined movie star, titanium white. The only difference was his eyes and the way he dressed. This 'brother' wore what Toons called "denim jeans", a white t-shirt and the thing that stood out the most: a black leather jacket! Boy, did the Chairman ever want one of those! He only had some retro-style shades he got from the body of a movie star from Warner Bluffs.

Wait a minute...

"Hey bro! You okay?" the brother interjected.

"..."

That Cog right on top of him had hair slicked back into some kind of a fancy pompadour. Compared to the Chairman, the brother's hair was an "inflated" version. Make him do the ice bucket challenge, and he'll look just like the Chairman.

"Who are you?" he inquired.

"Well, that took a long time to respond. What a weenie you are. I'm your brother, remember?"

"Brother? I thought I didn't have a—"

The Cog was sitting right on top. He covered his mouth, pressing a finger to what Toons could call lips.

"SHHHHHHHHHH! Lemme do the talking, man. I am your twin brother, so to speak. But we're like, separated the moment we were built."

Then he let go, allowing the Chairman to speak.

"Oh? Well, thank you for reminding me. Now get off me."

The brother flicked his hand. "Pfft, nah!"

"Get. Off."

"Nope."

"Don't make me hurt you." He threatened.

"Try it, pal." The brother teased. "You can't—"

With his might, the Chairman threw a fist aimed at the brother's face!

"Whoops! Too slow!"

The brother dodged it. He was also quick enough to grab it. He basically blocked it. Nobody had blocked his attacks before! Why was this?

"Bro, you don't have to make me a knuckle sandwich." He insisted. "I'm not hungry. You can have it instead!"

He stretched the arm with the fist. Somehow, the brother snapped the Chairman's arm, and without warning...

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

-CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!-

Ouch.

He made the Chairman punch himself! The brother just had to bend the arm to make the fist face the Chairman.

"OH MY GOD, WHY?"

More punches thrown at himself.

"NO MORE!"

"What? Did I hear that you wanted more? How 'bout somma THIS!"

And with that, the brother gave him a knuckle sandwich of his own. With oil jam, gears and extra numbers. No, seriously. It's literally a KNUCKLE SANDWICH. It was shaped like one. The brother had actually MADE a sandwich for him! Actually, he supposed to tell his wife to do it instead—wait a minute, smartass. THE CHAIRMAN WAS NEVER MARRIED! SCREW OFF, BRAIN!

Brain sobbed and sniffed as he walked away. Good riddance. I, the Narrator, do not have time for his unnecessary comments.

"You..."

"EAT IT!"

And with that, the brother stuffed the sandwich in his mouth.

"MMMMPF...MFFMFMMFMF! MMMMMMRRRPGH!"

"What was that, Vladmir?" the brother asked sarcastically as he slightly took out the sandwich.

"I was going to say it was delicious."

"You sure? You sound sarcastic."

"I _was_ sarcastic."

"Really? How can I trust you if you don't believe that I'm your brother?"

"Okay, fine." The Chairman admitted, sighing. "You win. I guess you're my brother."

"Good!"

"But, where is everybody else?"

"Well, um..."

He stuffed the sandwich into the Chairman's mouth so far that he blacked out


End file.
